Čo to znamená?

Väčšina žien a mužov sa v partnerskom vzťahu správa a vyjadruje v ťažko rozlúštiteľných "šifrách". Výsledok? Nepochopenie, nedorozumenie, dezorientácia... Nikto nevie prečo, no je to tak... Jasná, zrozumiteľná reč sa v partnerských vzťahoch nepestuje.

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Všetci síce vieme, že hovoriť pravdu v každej situácii je nemožné - slušnosť vlastne stojí na pokrytectve - no nikto nevie, prečo sa partneri nevyjadrujú priamo k veci ani v tých situáciách, ktoré si to bezprostredne vyžadujú... A tak väčšine partnerských dvojíc nezostáva nič iné, než sa naučiť zložitému "partnerskému esperantu" a zdĺhavo dešifrovať, čo má ten druhý na mysli. Napríklad?

Túžba po vzťahu

sa zo strany muža veľmi často prejavuje tým zvláštnym spôsobom, že jednoducho nezavolá (hoci sa k tomu dobrovoľne zaviazal). Muž má zvyčajne celkom pomýlenú predstavu o tom, čo žena očakáva. Domnieva sa, že zaujme silou, dominanciou, zmyslom pre dobrodružstvo a hrou. Bojí sa byť slušný, aby nebol nudný; bojí sa byť vľúdny, aby nebol fádny. Chce zaujať, ale namiesto toho znechutí a sklame. Muži na svoju škodu nikdy nepripustia fakt, že keby ženy poznali ich tajné predstavy z kategórie "ako zaujať", pravdepodobne by sa v páse zlomili od smiechu.

Strach z definitívnosti

sprevádza pri formovaní vzťahu tak mužov, ako aj ženy. Muži celkom radi zotrvávajú v omyle, že hlavným cieľom každej ich partnerky je nasadiť si na prst zlatý krúžok, poskakovať v spoločnej domácnosti a udržiavať rod. Už dosť dávno je všetko inak, ale skrytá túžba predčí zrelú úvahu, a tak mnoho mužov zotrváva v obrannom postoji a namiesto formovania partnerský vzťah radšej deformujú. Napíšu si v hlave zoznam, čo všetko sú ich osobné slobody a kam by bolo nebezpečné zájsť, aby zrazu nesedeli za svadobným stolom. Podľa toho potom vyzerajú ich nepochopiteľné reakcie v rôznych druhoch situácií. City velia jedno, ale hrôzostrašné predstavy o trvalom zväzku tvrdia iné a zmätok je dokonalý. Muži však musia rátať s tým, že máloktorá žena bude mať čas a chuť lúštiť ich nepochopiteľné správanie a pôjde radšej ďalej.

Milujem ťa

je jednoduché slovné spojenie, ktoré spôsobuje množstvo zložitých nedorozumení a stáva sa dôvodom sporu mnohých dvojíc. Žena síce túto "záklínaciu formulku lásky" podvedome od muža očakáva, zároveň však vie, že veriť jej príliš nemožno a veľmi často znamená iba "poďme do postele". Ona sama ju používa s určitou dávkou ľahkosti, čím jej čiastočne uberá na cene. Muž uvedené "zaklínadlo" zasa vyslovuje nerád, majúc pritom pocit zvláštneho ohrozenia, ale dobre vie, že ním môže ovplyvniť situáciu, a tak sa prekonáva a používa ho z čiste praktických dôvodov. Výsledkom je absolútny chaos; žiadna zo strán ani netuší, čo si má o "milujem ťa" toho druhého vlastne myslieť...

Klamem, teda som.

To je vysvetlenie mnohých mužov, prečo takmer v jednom kuse klamú. Klamstvo je ich spôsob, ako sa vyhnúť nepríjemnostiam - väčším, menším či celkom nepatrným... Prečo podstupovať vysvetľovanie a konfrontáciu, keď možno pohodlne zutekať? Načo priznávať, čo sa nedá dokázať? A pretože pravda zvyčajne spôsobuje katastrofu, je lepšie nepretržite klamať.

Odchádzam

je krátke slovo, ktoré sa dlho vysvetľuje, ak sa týka vzťahu. Väčšina mužov v takejto situácii nechce nič vysvetľovať, pretože to jednoducho nedokáže. Prejavujú sa radšej odmietavým, zdrvujúcim spôsobom a v ublížení náchádzajú alternatívu vysvetľovania - "je to medzi nami jednoducho zlé a bodka". Mnoho žien má naopak snahu pri rozchode vysvetľovať až príliš, pričom z ohľaduplnosti klamú a vedia vyroniť aj nejakú tú ľútostivú slzu. Muži týmto prístupom nie sú príliš nadšení, cítiac, že veci sa majú trochu inak, ale prijali ho ako "ženskú konvenciu". Ak žena nekomplikovaným, vyrovnaným spôsobom oznámi svoje rozhodnutie ukončiť vzťah, považujú ju za chladnú a bezcitnú.

Najpoužívanejšie vetné "šifry" v partnerskom vzťahu:

Nemali by sme zanedbávať svojich priateľov.
Skutočný obsah: Chcem sa častejšie stretávať zo svojími priateľmi, ale keď prídem domov, chcem aby si tu bol (bola).

Nemali by sme to unáhliť.
Skutočný obsah: Do ničoho ma netlač.

Musím si všetko ujasniť...
Skutočný obsah: Viem, že už s tebou nechcem byť.

2 komentárov

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